Shades of Night. Light of Day.

Only words separate imagination and reality.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Another Summer Begins

Today is the first official day of summer break and I couldn't be more stoked!!
I am super thrilled to finally be able to go back to writing full-time (teaching full-time, in a crazy situation, put an end to that).
So I am allowing myself the weekend to be completely and totally unproductive, doing whatever I want. Most of which will include, seeing a movie (Battleship. I am proud of nerdiness), going to get a new book (ok, I'm breaking down and going to buy 50 Shades), reading, and cleaning/working-out (technically those would be productive things, but whatever).
Monday--> It is back to being a writer!! Because I WILL finish my book this summer!!


Thursday, May 24, 2012

Getting Sucked into the Vortex of Anger--> Again.

I think someone should teach a certain someone that it is typically the woman in the relationship whom makes all the obnoxious posts on FB about the pregnancy and NOT the dude. HELLO!?!? You're not the pregnant one and God forbid the attention not be directed at you for once in your life.

I think I'm going to go find a nice, tall cliff to plunge myself off of.

P.S. Have I said that jealousy is cruel, evil bitch that just WILL NOT GO AWAY?!?!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

A Thought Occurred To Me....

If I was pregnant, I think more of my family would actually give a shit about me.
But alas, we are still the ones that 'don't belong' in that special circle, therefore we (I) get avoided like the Black Plaque.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

I may not be....

A mother yet, but that doesn't make me any less special than every other women celebrating today.
I've carried two babies in my belly for a few weeks and in my world, that counts for something.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Feelin' Artsy

I have decided that I really want to learn a new art form.
After blog stalking, Memories of Mine to Thine (for the billionth time) and completely/utterly/absolutely falling in love with Rachel's art dolls----> I'm thinking I would like to give that a try.
I have never been much of a sculptor, but that is the great thing about art, I may not be perfect the first time I try, but at least I had the bravery to try something new.
I am off to scour the internet for ideas and how to's and then headed out to the craft store!!
Happy Saturday, everyone!!


Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Living in the Moment

"Living In The Moment"

If this life is one act
Why do we lay all these traps
We put them right in our path
When we just wanna be free

I will not waste my days
Making up all kinds of ways
To worry about some things
That will not happen to me

So I just let go of what I know I don't know
And I know I'll only do this by
Living in the moment
Living our life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
Living in the moment

I'm letting myself off the hook for things I've done
I let my past go past

And now I'm having more fun
I'm letting go of the thoughts
That do not make me strong

And I believe this way can be the same for everyone

And if I fall asleep
I know you'll be the one who'll always remind me
To live in the moment
To live my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home

I can't walk through life facing backwards
I have tried
I tried more than once to just make sure
And I was denied the future I'd been searching for
But I spun around and searched no more
By living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home

I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Just taking it easy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
I got peace in my soul
Oh, wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Oh, easy and breezy

With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
I got peace in my soul
Oh, wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment

It is going to be hard at first, but we (my husband and I) are letting ourselves off the hook for things we've done, we are letting the past go past. We've realized over the last two days that no one will truly understand or have honest compassion towards us and you know what, that is okay because we don't need them.  We won't make the mistake of thinking they're truly there for us ever again. We are not only letting go of the thoughts that don't make us strong, but we have to let go of the people whom do not make us strong. We are going to live in the moment, together, living our lives, easy and breezy.  We know we will have peace in our minds, peace in our hearts, and peace in our souls. Because wherever we're going, we're already home.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012


It is so incredibly funny when people think they know what we've been through and claim to 'understand and relate.'
I'm going to let you in on a little tip:
You know nothing about our life, what we've been through, and there is absolutely no way
you can or will ever be able to relate.
When we start to eat butterflies, shit rainbows and life becomes incredibly easy,
we will be able relate to you.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Hello, Mr. Ed....sort of

I rode a horse for the first time yesterday. 
**insert squeal of excitement**
I have been talking about learning to ride a horse for over 2 years now.
Her name was Lucy.
She is a beautiful red color with a black mane.
I only need a little boost to get my leg over her. :0)
It was amazing being on such a graceful animal.
We walked a little.
Then, she started trotting.
I started giggling and thinking 'fence, fence, fence.'
I cannot wait to start lessons soon!!

Just had to share.
Talk Soon!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Road Trip Wednesday

Road Trip Wednesday is a "Blog Carnival," where YA Highway's contributors post a weekly writing--or reading--related question and answer it on their own blogs. Readers get to play along.

This week's question: Describe your dream writing retreat. Where would you go? Who and what would you bring?

I am such an easy to please writer/reader because I can write/read practically anywhere.
I do currently have a writing room and I stalk my local coffee house as well.
If I could spend any length of time writing in a spot of my choosing, I would without a doubt choose something near the ocean. I am such a beach girl even though I grew up and live in Arizona. (go figure) Any time I need to just think, my heart and soul cry for the ocean.  As to what I would bring with me there would not be a need for a whole lot: laptop, music (a must), coffee, bathing suit, and my squirrel (I will explain some other time.). As for who I would bring, I do not know as I would bring anyone by my husband and dog. 
Here are a few photos of places I think would be amazing places to write. (I found the photos on pinterest (like most of us. It is like crack.) so I am not 100% as to whom credit is due.)

No clue, but it is amazing!

Talk Soon!

The Power of a Word

Those of you who are reading and have been anxiously anticipating the reveal of my One Word.... 
The wait is officially over. 
The word I have chosen to let lead my life for 2012 is....

Live Meaning and Definition

  1. (v. i.) To have a spiritual existence; to be quickened, nourished, and actuated by divine influence or faith.
  2. (v. i.) To be alive; to have life; to have, as an animal or a plant, the capacity of assimilating matter as food, and to be dependent on such assimilation for a continuance of existence; as, animals and plants that live to a great age are long in reaching maturity.
  3. (v. i.) To be or continue in existence; to exist; to remain; to be permanent; to last; -- said of inanimate objects, ideas, etc.
  4. (v. i.) To outlast danger; to float; -- said of a ship, boat, etc.; as, no ship could live in such a storm.
  5. (v. i.) To make one's abiding place or home; to abide; to dwell; to reside.
  6. (a.) Full of earnestness; active; wide awake; glowing; as, a live man, or orator.
  7. (a.) Being in a state of ignition; burning; having active properties; as, a live coal; live embers.
  8. (v. t.) To spend, as one's life; to pass; to maintain; to continue in, constantly or habitually; as, to live an idle or a useful life.
  9. (v. i.) To feed; to subsist; to be nourished or supported; -- with on; as, horses live on grass and grain.
  10. (n.) Life.
  11. (v. i.) To enjoy or make the most of life; to be in a state of happiness.
  12. (v. t.) To act habitually in conformity with; to practice.
  13. (v. i.) To pass one's time; to pass life or time in a certain manner, as to habits, conduct, or circumstances; as, to live in ease or affluence; to live happily or usefully.
  14. (a.) Imparting power; having motion; as, the live spindle of a lathe.
  15. (a.) Vivid; bright.
  16. (v. i.) To be maintained in life; to acquire a livelihood; to subsist; -- with on or by; as, to live on spoils.
  17. (a.) Having life; alive; living; not dead
* Definition courtesy of

What a word, right?!
So much to it. So many avenues one can take. So many interpretations. So much potential.
I scoured the internet looking for a definition of the word and I really liked this one. It encompassed everything I want to accomplish this year. 

Some of you may be asking, 'Why this word?' Let me set the stage for you....
The past 4 years have not been all that kind to me or my husband.
 During those years, I have not been kind to myself. 
The past 4 years have included:
2 ruptured ovarian cysts
2 ruptured ovary repair surgeries
1 fertility doctor
2 IVF treatments
2 pregnancies
2 miscarriages
100's of shots and pills
1 suffering marriage
1 deceased dog
1 lost home
1 ovarian tumor removal
1 month 'bedrest'
1 woman completely lost and scared

You see, not the greatest of times.  I will not go into the nitty-gritty details of the past 4 years, but they have sucked. Royally.  I lost countless friendships for whatever reason, my husband and I stopped traveling (Well, what if we get pregnant.... we cannot do this or that), I stopped being active (what if I am pregnant, I cannot do anything to harm the baby or I was not allowed to be active), and everything stopped being about planning for the adventures of our future.... it all became about 'baby.'  
I found myself only living my life with the prospect of having a baby. 
Somewhere in those 4 years, I stopped living. (as did my husband)
Really, truly living my life. 

After the last miscarriage, we decided to take a break and focus on fixing our marriage and to start doing things that mattered to each of us.
I started playing roller derby. (We will get into that some other day.)
He started focusing on the firefighter Olympics.
We both started going on road trips and what-not.... just having fun. 

As I thought about my one word though, I realized that yes, we had made some changes during 2011, but that we were still just going through the motions. I was still scared to get out there again and make friends; real friends, the BFF-soulmate type of friend. We hardly ever went out with other married couples. We both sort of retreated into our house and depended on one another. 

Well, that is no more. (Okay, technically, that is wrong, but it is just.... different).

This year, 2012,
I am going to LIVE.
I am going to be vivid.
I am going to be bright.
I am going to leave this year feeling like it just got its butt kicked. 

What is your One Word resolution this year?

Talk Soon!

P.S. I think I did okay with my list yesterday, right?!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Technically, I am cheating, but I can explain.

Yesterday, as I was catching up on my blog-stalking I came across a posting that I fell in love with.

One day, way back when, I decided to get into art journaling. Of course, my first stop was the web to search for pictures, blogs, and inspiration.  I came across a Rachel Whetzel and her blog about art journaling using music and loved it.  Of course, I ended up friending her on Facebook (oh, how we love Facebook) and for some random reason we sort of 'commented' back and forth on each other's statuses.  Needless to say, I think she is quite an awesome person; she is an artist, she journals, writes, runs a farm, has kids, blogs, a snarky sense of humor, and is pretty much an all-around cool person.  (Seriously, you should check out her blog, Memories of Mine to Thine or her website)

I know, I know.... get back to the point.

As I was saying, I was blog-stalking and reading everyones wonderful posts about their outlook of the new year, resolutions, dreams, etc. Most were semi-interesting, but all too predictable.
That is until I read Rachel's post.
Her resolution this year is:
That is it. One word, but so much possibility.

She went on to explain that it was part of a movement called 'One Word. 365.'
I checked our their website and was completely intrigued.
Living one year with the intention of living up to the meaning of just a single word.
Hello, can we say PRESSURE!!
As I read other blogs and their experiences with this I decided you know what, life is not any fun without a challenge. Call me a 'bandwagoner' or 'copy cat', but I too have decided to join the movement.

Confession: Technically, I am cheating with my One Word resolution.
Explanation: I had already started creating my list of resolutions and I did not want to completely abandon them. I was in the ?? mode. Plus, it is my resolution and I can sort of do whatever I want to and there is no one out there to stop me. **insert nah-nah-nah**
Solution: I kept my list. **gasp** However, as I studied all of the things I added to it I quickly realized that all of the items on the list pointed to just one word. I figure my list can be used as a way to help me full-fill my One Word. (pretty smart of me, huh.)

What is my word?
You will have to wait for that post until tomorrow.
For now, here is my list of resolutions for 2012.
Do you think you can determine what my One Word might be??
(I am 28 this year; I figure 28 resolutions should be enough.)

  1. Do not use contractions.
  2. Blog everyday.
  3. Run more.
  4. Organize. 
  5. Do something courageous.
  6. Finish my novel.
  7. Travel to a foreign country. 
  8. Forgive.
  9. Forget.
  10. Learn to ride a horse.
  11. Do 10 pull-ups. Real pull-ups. All at once.
  12. Be happy in my own skin, no matter what.
  13. Bring new life into the world.
  14. Write more.
  15. Curse less.
  16. Love more.
  17. Be kinder to myself.
  18. Get published or at least get an agent.
  19. Do something epic.
  20. Sky dive.
  21. Write more poetry.
  22. Deepen my faith.
  23. Listen.
  24. Get a tattoo.
  25. Road trip.
  26. Spend more time with family.
  27. Discover.
  28. **insert my One Word** (thought I would give it away?! Not a chance.)

Talk soon!

Monday, January 2, 2012

A New Year, A New Me

Yes, yes, I know what you must be thinking.
'Another New Year's post?!'
My answer to your thoughts are.... Yes, another New Year's post.

As most of you can tell, I have been completely MIA from my blog for quite some time. I really do not have a good excuse for such poor blog behavior so I am not even going to attempt to come up with one. Although, blaming it on alien abduction sounds like a really great one.

Here I am though.... Well, technically, I am at my local cafe using their free Wi-Fi, but who really cares about logistics.... and can I just say how much I have missed my own ramblings.

It is so funny because I over the weekend my husband could tell that something was up with me.

Him: 'So what is going on with you?'
Me: 'Well, I am bit distracted and my mind feels to weigh 80 lbs.'
Him: 'Want to talk about it?"
Me: 'Not really."
Him: 'Maybe you should start writing and blogging again.'
Me: .... **insert Ah-ha face**

That brings me to now, sitting at this ridiculously uncomfortable table, thinking about what kind of coffee I want to drink today, and writing. Boy does it feel awesome.

I figure everyone uses the New Year thing as an opportunity to 'start over' so why should I not be able to use it as well.  So, fellow readers and bloggers (if there are any of you out there still), we are all just going to pretend that the past few months of non-blogging have not happened. 'kay? Great!

I have decided, against my better judgement and past, to create a New Year's resolution.

Not change, but better-fy. Yes, I
made that word up just now.
Correction....  A list of resolutions.
Your 'yeah, sure, like anyone ever sticks with them' thoughts are deafening!
But here me out.
I have decided that this list of resolutions has to all be things that can be achievable within the next year.

** Saying that I plan to travel to every country in the world whilst having a body resembling Jennifer Aniston is noooot really that achievable. A) I do not have that much cash and B) I do not have a personal chef or trainer. **

I am currently working on my list today and shall be posting it tomorrow.
I really like my list. It is a lot like me: 100% random.

Here is a sneak peak of the first two things that are on my resolution list:

1) Attempt to not use contractions.

Yes, you read that right. After watching the Dead Wood series I realized that the reason that show is so entirely captivating is the dialogue. If you listen carefully, you will not hear a single contraction. They sound so eloquent even when they are torturing and killing someone. I have decided to do the same thing. (Not the torturing or killing people part unless it is with my writing, wit, and charm) Now, I have said 'attempt' because I know that sometimes and some situations will call for the use of contractions. For example, writing my book; I am over half-way finished and have used contractions the entire time so I will not try to change that for the last half.... way too much work. I started this yesterday and it is proving to much more difficult than I could have thought. I mean, writing a Facebook status update without a contraction is slightly annoying as is trying to text quickly. BUT.... I really like it. I already feel that much more intelligent.

2) Blog Everyday

That is a lofty one, I know. I feel that it is attainable. Blogging is my (and most of yours) form of journaling and emptying out all the junk floating around in your mind. The last few months of not blogging really clogged up my mind.  I think my mind will benefit from a daily expunging. Therefore, you will be hearing from me a lot more.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I hope the holidays were as good to you as they were to me. I hope that you are already on your way to a successful 2012.  I am off to find a more comfortable place to park my behind, find some delicious coffee, and finish my list of resolutions!

Talk Soon!