Shades of Night. Light of Day.

Only words separate imagination and reality.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Leap of Faith

Today marked a HUGE day in my life.  I officially turned in my letter requesting a leave of absence for the 11/12 school year.  I honestly cannot believe that I actually did it!!

This has been a decision I have thought about for a very, very long time.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think that my husband and I would ever be in a position to make this crazy thought in my head a reality.

Truth be told, the last two years have been pretty tough.  Anything that could happen to a person in... oh, some might say a lifetime.... happened to me within the course of two years.  Secondary to the loss of two babies in 2010 after two separate and very tough IVF cycles, would be my situation at my job.

I have always loved children and learning and I knew that teaching was right up my ally.  I went into the career as the typical naive girl.  The girl who would "make a difference", "stay in it for life"... pretty much every cliche thought you could have about teaching, I had.  However, I was in for a very rude awakening; it was not all that it was cracked up to be.

I LOVE my students and LOVE my job, but everyone forgets to tell you about everything else you have to deal with when you become an educator; administrators, parents, etc., etc.  Unfortunately, I did not have the best of luck with two of my administrators. Both of these administrators made be feel unworthy to hold the title of 'teacher' and made me constantly question who I was not just as a teacher, but as a person.

Around February or so, I really hit my breaking point; I needed to do something different.  I finally realized that life is way too short to go to work everyday to a job that makes you anxious, stressed, affects your overall health, and one that makes you question yourself.  I realized that no matter how much I love children and how much I truly love teaching, when that job starts to affect my health, my marriage, and my overall state of happiness, it is time to do something else.

Sooo.... the question my husband always asked me when we had long, drawn conversations regarding this topic was, "What will you do?"

My answer.... "Write."

His response.... "Go for it!"

Me..... "Seriously?!"

Him..... "Yes, seriously.  It is time for you to finally go after your dream of becoming an author."

My Inner Self..... **holy buckets!!!! This can actually be a reality... to be able to write full-time and pursue my dream!!**

After many sleepless nights, long conversations, and going back and forth from the yay side to the nay side.... I FINALLY made the leap and did it!!

 I finally jumped in with both feet into the 'YAY' side!!

It was a very bittersweet decision and I know that I will miss teaching very much next year, but I couldn't be happier.  Just the idea of 'Possibility' excites me more than anyone can ever know.

There are only 10 more days until I am officially done with my contract for this school.

My plan: write full-time to finish my manuscript.  I have given myself a deadline of October 29th to finish it as I will be attending a writers conference in order to pitch my novel!!  I am also contemplating starting my Master's program in the fall with the hope of graduating with a Master's of English. During this time,  I plan to continue tutoring students and even substituting.

The sense of relief I feel and the sense of pure excitement I feel is crazy! I can't wait to share all of the new adventures and blessings that come my way.  Maybe some of you will even become a Beta reader for my novel... you never know.  I am glad to be able to have this as an outlet to share all the.... possibilities that will be my life.... with all of you and I really hope that you will stick around and see what happens!!

Remember to send love, give love, be love!

Catch ya on the flip side!