Shades of Night. Light of Day.

Only words separate imagination and reality.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Open Mouth--- Insert Foot

You know when you have those times, whether they last a few minutes to days, that just suck? Well, this week has been one of those weeks.  Now, most people out there know just what to say to make you feel better or they know well enough to just keep they mouths closed.  Then, there are those "special" people (the ones who rode the short-bus to friendship land) who just make it a habit to say stupid stuff (whether they mean to or not) that make you just go WTH?! I love those people.  (Insert sarcastic tone here.)  What makes these people even more "special" are when they are close friends, who know the situation, and yet it's like their brain just disappears as does that "special" filter.

Just to clarify now, when a person has had a really rough week and may have fallen down the rabbit hole, it is never OK to make references to them being crazy. Even if I  make a reference about watching a movie called 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest', it is never OK to then reply with "Is it a story about you. lol."  Trust me, adding an LoL does nothing for jerkishness of the comment.  So please, next time, make sure your filter is on before talking to someone who may be feeling a bit crazy.

Remember to send love, give love, and be love.

Catch ya on the flip side! XO

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Oh it's Insane alright...

To say 2010 has been an insane mix of anxious moments, crazily happy moments, and moments of deep sadness would be a bit of an understatement. It was the year that my husband (Blake) and I started down a path that would forever change our lives.  We have been so focused on getting to the end of said path it seemed we both forgot about all of the other important things in our life i.e. friends, family, and stuff for ourselves.  Just a few days ago, our path decided to give us yet another pot hole to slow our progress.  I am not even sure if the word devastated covers the emotions we feel.  Now, 2 days later, we're still here and we're pushing through. 

Skip to about 1:52 this afternoon, I suddenly realized that I need to take some time to do things that make me happy and to get back out in the world.  I know... I know... makes me sound kind of selfish when I say "make me happy", but over these past 7.5 months that is the conclusion I have come to.  I think that sometimes you focus so much on the goal you have as a couple that sometimes you lose yourself.  I think to some degree that is what happened to me.  I alienated myself from my friends and family because sometimes they just didn't understand, I put up walls, and shut myself away.  I was so focused on doing things "right" (like there ever is a way) that I just sort of forgot about living.  Well, I've decided to take some time and get back to me. 

When asked, this is the cartoon he
said represented him! LoL!
I have this friend, we'll call him Doug as I am not sure if he would like me to use his name in my blog.  Doug and I went to high school together, we were in journalism class together, and were on the school newspaper together.  We became quick friends (although, sadly, we never actually hung out outside of school) and always had something to talk about (mainly movies... and we either agreed or disagreed... there was never a middle ground).  I found myself the past few days talking to him about what was going on because he was in a similar situation; either seeking advice or just to talk to someone I'm not sure, but Doug was good at listening and talking and making me laugh.  He told me today about a dream he had last night.  He said, "If it makes you laugh, I ran into you in the grocery store last night in a dream I had."  This is funny for 2 reasons: 1: I loathe the grocery store. 2: I figured I probably had a cart full of alcohol due to said circumstances, probably some Smirnoff Ice so I can "Ice my Bros". I asked Doug if I was buying alcohol and he said, "Actually, no, you gave me a hug. lol. Then again, I haven't seen you in 8 years so I don't know what version of you that was." And BAM, it hit me, right in that statement, "which version of me". If you knew me in high school then you probably know that I was a bit hyperactive, loud, had a bit of a potty mouth, and very touchy-feely (sometimes in THAT way, but mostly because I liked to hug people.)  I giggled and responded that "I am still the old, crazy Sara and I would have given you a hug", which is totally true! And it made me happy... I realized maybe I haven't lost as much of myself as I thought I did. 

Where is this leading to you might ask... haha... guess what, I'm going to tell you! It is a many layered thing. (think Shrek, onions, layers)

Layer 1: Workin' on my Fitness (Yes, I just referenced a Fergie song. Sue me. Wait, don't, I'm broke.)
I haven't been able to work out pretty much this entire year so it was the 1st thing to come to mind.  Now, one might start out slow with something like jogging or jazzercise.  Nope, not me, I went straight for the kick in the ass. I ordered INSANITY! (I am a  bit obsessed with infomercials) Today was Day 1 and I nearly died (and almost puked) and it was only the Fit Test Day!  Every 2 weeks I have to take this Fit Test to see if I am actually making progress and not being a total loser.  I figure for the next few weeks I'll have at least one thing to blog about. Yippee!

The goal... or something like it....
 hey it could happen!
Shaun T. shall be my ass-kicker for
the next 60 days! Saweet!

Layer 2: Putting Pen to Paper (or fingers to keyboard if you want to get technical)
I am currently in the middle of writing a few books, but sort of got off track.  I need some inspiration and I figure blogging is a way just to get the thoughts rolling again.  So, even if you think this blog is ratarded and you laugh and make fun (which you shouldn't because Mr. Big has said he will beat you up) just reading it makes me happy, commenting (even bad ones, although a butt kicking may ensue) makes me ubberly happy, and if you actually like it, well, I think I would have to do a happy dance.  Give me a chance to not suck OK?!?! 

Layer 3: Figure other stuff to do and add to my layer plan ('nuff said.)
All suggestions are welcome! :)

I believe I have rambled enough for today. Plus, Mr. and Mrs. Smith is on and it's like crack, I just have to watch it any time it's on.  Remember to send love, give love, and be love!

Catch ya on the flip side! XO

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Moving Back In...

Oh, I didn't tell you that I moved? Yeah.... moved back on over to Newbie St. here in the blog world.  Any tips or adivce would be great! (I used to keep a blog a while ago, but let it go. Now I've decided to give it another go. Who knew so much could change in the blog world in such a short time!)